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Grief therapy: goals

Recognizing the need for therapy may be the first step in your recovery from grief. We all grieve differently, and for those who become mired in the emotional turmoil that accompanies a profound loss, grief counseling may offer a way through the experience to a rebalanced life.

It is important to set goals for grief counseling. Recognize that a grief counselor can't just 'fix your stuff' or make grief 'go away'. Don't have unrealistic expectations of your counselor.

Talking about your loss with a trained counselor will begin to relieve the intense anxiety that can accompany grief. Carefully guided talking can identify the feelings that are the source of the stress and by expressing them, they can be addressed.

If breaking free of grief and moving forward with life is the goal, then the reality of the situation must be dealt with: the bereaved person must learn to live productively without the one who has died and to establish some kind of lasting emotional separation. Without separation, the grief process cannot be resolved and new relationships cannot be achieved. The past must be relegated to the past; its importance need not be diminished, nor the deceased person's memory any less respected, but it must be placed in the past.

A trained counselor will help a bereaved person to identify and apply methods of coping with grief, recognizing that these strategies are not meant to eliminate the grief, but rather to manage it.

You should discuss not only your goals with your counselor, but also how to measure your progress. Prior to the completion of the initial course of appointments, arrangements should be made with respect to ongoing support should it be needed.

Complicated grief may require more involved psychotherapy. A trained therapist may coordinate a grief program with medical treatments by a doctor. Goals should nonetheless be set and a treatment program outlined; these should be fully understood by the patient.