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Generally, spouses may be notified about the divorce when you or your lawyer hire a person known as a "process server," who will deliver the complaint and the other documents to your spouse personally. This is called "service of process".
Can I deliver the complaint myself?
Most states do not allow a party to a lawsuit - in this case, a divorce - to serve the copies on the other side. But if you and your spouse agree to file the documents together, you don't have to formally serve the papers. Instead, you will normally complete a form (often called an "appearance, consent, and waiver") that will allow the court to proceed.
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